I am well aware that this will not make much sense to many of you, and you will probably be tempted to have your "own opinions" about what I am about to share with you. But I beseech you brothers and sisters, not to fall into that temptation lol! ....The truth is that it really doesn't make much sense to me either, but it does to God.
Hannah, my baby girl was given to me as a precious and unexpected gift from God, a gift that completely and radically took my new found faith to a supernatural level... far above any understanding kind of level, like "on steroids" above level, a level of faith and trust that has been part of my walk with God ever since and has carried me through the hardest trials.
We weren't expecting her, I wasn't asking for her (... so I thought) I was actually enjoying the moment. Aron had just surrendered his heart to Jesus and my time with my Savior was the most beautiful thing I had experienced in life. I spent hours in His presence in close fellowship with Him, I was able to hear Him speaking to me, teaching me, and sharing secrets with me...Oh how I cherished those times, I just couldn't get enough of Him. One day He said to me, I am giving you a gift, and showed me a baby. It took me by surprise, and immediately I said NO! I don't want a baby. Please don't be shocked at my response, I was in the process of healing from a deep depression that almost destroyed my family, and it was caused by a horrible double miscarriage we experienced just a few months before, the darkest time of my life.
He gently and tenderly helped me understand what He was doing... it was glorious. I will skip all the juicy details of that supernatural encounter and leave them for another time (don't hate me), but as you can imagine, after that, I knew that I was pregnant; and, that It was a girl, and finally that her name was Hannah, which means" Grace of God" so I call her "my gift of grace". I also knew then, that she was not for me to keep, so just a few days after she was born, we presented her to God at the altar, and promised Him we will take care of her until the day she was old enough to be given back to Him. You see, My nanabanana is a very special girl, and she was created for God's service. I've known it since she was in my womb, Oh the plans He has for her... what a plan, what a planner.
I am not sure what that looks like yet, and by the way things look like now, its not going to be the way we though it would be. But isn't that how God works? without the mysteries of God, why would we need our faith for, right? One thing I know, the time is coming, and its coming soon, when I will have to give her back to Him. He reminded me of my promise to Him just a few days ago. All I can pray for, is that I am ready for it; and that I am able to fully trust Him once again.
