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  • Writer's pictureA Transparent Missionary


Am I really cut out for this? Do I have “spiritual” dyslexia? Do I suffer from “personality envy”? or I am just a square peg trying to fit in a world that is very round? Yes, sometimes I wonder about my own brain too, so just let me explain…

It seems like my whole life I have been told (mostly by myself) that I need to change who I am. After all, how can an insecure introvert, self-conscious people pleaser, scatter-brain artist, that is forgetful, and has difficulty managing time; cannot spell for the life of me, (English or Spanish), nor remember my own phone number at times. So, how can she be good enough to be a mom, a sister, a wife, a friend or a Christian? Much less a minister of the gospel, a mentor, a missionary or a leader to anyone!! Please don’t feel sorry for me, I am trying to be transparent with you, and I have a point to make (promise).

Listen, I am the kind of driver that has to turn around 3 out of 5 times when she goes places she has been before, or cannot tell which direction to go coming out of an elevator in a hotel because I have no clue where my room or the exit is, even though we have been staying there for a couple nights already! A housewife who hates to clean and do laundry, and let’s not even mention the “S” word… (socks!!) Say what you want, but at times, it’s just overwhelming being me, because I AM ALWAYS trying to be the best mom, wife, friend and Christian, and my personality is not cooperating or helping me on this.

For years, I have tried to fit into THE ROUND HOLE OF LIFE, knowing all along I was a square peg, a misfit. I wore myself out trying to “squeeze into” the qualifications of those roles in my life, I even told myself -and I can be very convincing- that the stress of making myself fit was part of me becoming who I was supposed to be -growing pains- “the molding process on the potter’s wheel”. And every time I experience a setback, I will take a step back, examine my heart and repent from my lack of “godly character” and come up with the plan to push myself harder and try again. I will make lists, so I won’t forget, set new goals, and declare victory over my enemies! All which made me feel very proud of my efforts, because after all, I am to fight the good fight of faith. Yay me, right? Not so much… As happens often, God didn’t agree with me. (figures). I know it because He got my attention today when He said to me:

I made you, YOU. not someone else. So just be the BEST YOU that I made YOU to be.

You might be thinking; come on Carol, you should already know that! It even sounds a lot like that Dr. Seuss quote (lol). But let me tell you, It is not the same when you hear God personally say to you that your personality, your ways and even your weaknesses are all part of His personal design! And as hard as it might be for us with great ideas, God doesn’t give us the option, -nor wants our input- when deciding what our natural design will be. The reality is that in my effort to recreate myself into what I thought will please God, I was rejecting God’s (perfect) design…ME!

The good news is that, it’s never too late to become more self-aware and recognize our God-given design and personality and appreciate the real you. We can embrace our natural strengths, accept our uniqueness and allow Him to use it for His purposes, in any way He wants. After all, we are skillfully and wonderfully made!

Against popular belief, the truth is, this world needs square pegs that won’t fit into a round hole. Pegs come in many different shapes, and there is a “hole” where my “shape” NATURALLY fits in. I can make a powerful and positive difference in the lives of others and please God just by being ME. All I must do is be the BEST ME that He created me to be.

I made you, YOU. Not someone else. So just be the BEST YOU that I made YOU to be.

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